The Little White Lie

GraffitiSomeone once said that honesty is the best policy, and I might also add the other drunk who said the truth shall set you free. In an ideal world this is very true but what about in this pragmatic world that we live in? can we handle the truth? Do we at all times dispense what honesty like Catholics say in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done and in what I have failed to do? Because truth be told it’s not always about what we say that we are compelled to be honest, but also in what we do not say given that action is more audible than words.

There is this verse in the bible that I usually find myself referring to from time to time, that encompasses what to me a strong relationship should be (which for some reason I have been misquoting until today when I actually opened my Bible and read it)

Ephesians 5: 22 -29 Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord, for a husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body of which he is the Savior. Now wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands love your wives  just as Christ loved the church, and gave himself up for her to make her holy cleansing by the washing  with water through the word, and present himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all no one ever hated his own body, but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church

For those who probably haven’t read these verses before think waaaah guy who wrote those was deep, well Paul had a way with words you can give him that, now imagine him and the Holy Spirit in him, sheeesh. Love and respect was Paul’s message to the Ephesians and of course by virtue of spreading of the word his message to us too. What’s funny about this is that Paul was from the eternal bachelor and somehow he had more insight than a handful of people I know on how relationships work. But can this love and respect exist in a world of pure unedited honesty between two people?

I wouldn’t want to dive in to the Love and respect bit and devour them piece by piece, at not this insomnia night. For this bunch of text my question is for any relationship to go far in a loving and respectful atmosphere how honest should we be? Is honesty always the best policy of does this truth thing uncuff us from previous constraints? The reason I ask this is well humans aren’t that perfect in as much as we seek perfection and it is in that imperfect state where you’d feel like wringing her neck but uuuuuuusaaaaa or you’d look at him funny like all the cred I had given you before puff gone out the window. In as much as these might be thoughts that constantly bombard our minds do we  put them out in the open for our partners to know or do we just tuck it in sigh  and “ ooh nothing honey am fine” it off.

“How was your night?”

While in actuality I didn’t sleep one single bit you would notice the bags under my eyes if you weren’t such and overgrown baby, why because you snored so hard they recorded you on the Richter scale your sane response is “Darling I slept like a baby thanks for asking”

“Babes that was THE BEST MEAL I have ever had,” while in fact I’m going to pretend am off to see the game so that I can have some of that kuku choma from Bonge at Corner Bar Sinza.

“Darling size doesn’t matter, its what’s in here( touching you partners chest) that counts”-I’m referring to bank account sizes if you translated it otherwise shauri zako am not there.

“You look amazing in that dress, it absolutely compliments your figure.” That is if round what you were aiming for was.

And the list of white lies goes on and on and on.

But why do we put ourselves in this position of having to lie to our partners why not just be blunt and tell it like it is? You see like every other structure that has blocks as its main material they are meant to be firm so that they can withstand the test of time and what Mother Nature throws it its way. But bricks don’t hold the structure upright on their own. No. In between the individual blocks is a layer of mortar that is holding the bricks together one to the other and the next one to the next one until voila you have the Great Wall of China. We rarely say it’s a brick and cement building, instead we say it’s a brick building, since brick is what we predominantly see. So the metaphor here being brick are the chunks of truth that shall make any relationship grow to make that wall, but the little white lie is what holds the two blocks together, helping them be in that union against all weathering climate. That layer of mortar of cement is the white lie. That phrase or word or set of action that would piece together the bricks of honesty of who we are so that despite our differences we can still hold together as one piece.

So the next comment would be but with the right partner we wouldn’t have to lie.” I mean I pride myself in being honest and open, I tell it as it is. No sugar coating” Well good for you hombre. In an ideal world that would be so being open is the most ideal thing ever  but guess what we don’t live in that ideal world. You see for every person claiming they are open there is a partner who puts up with a lot of petty and trivial things from you and shields you from the reality.  Why is this so, why can’t we just be open and truthful to each other? Well if I may draw your attention to reality we tend to go for the eighty twenty rule, that is if he/she has 80 percent of what you are looking for in a partner you can compromise with the remaining twenty percent.  That is the world we live in. You show me a person who is 100%  of what you had conceived in your mind and I show you a con and you are the one being played.

But the catch is it cement is always but a small fraction actually a very thin layer compared to the huge bricks laid on it. Let me repeat the cement is a thin layer compared to the brick laid on it. Hence the white lie has to be gauged quite well so that it doesn’t eventually cost the relationship rather than glue it for longevity.

So why have I drawn focus to the  white lie, well lets go back to the verses of Saint Paul to the Ephesians, love and respect. My take is that pure unaltered honesty will mean that in some instances one shall not feel the love or the respect that  we ought to give them. If we are totally honest with ourselves honesty tends to be a bit harsh, hence love your partner that harsh reality of honesty is a tit bit hard. But you can make them feel loved or make them feel respected .The word to underline is feel which means giving the perception of. Ladies and gentlemen let me present to you the little white lie. Yes this is where the cement comes into play. In moments where honest is too harsh, you spread a thin layer of that white lie and brick by brick  you have that sturdy relationship. So what would we lie about? Well it could be varied but for the sake of the relationship the white lie involves shall be in terms of compromise, patience and wisdom from either party in the relationship. Yes compromise because we can’t always be the right ones. Patience because we can’t always be the first ones .Wisdom because well without it they shall always be the blonde or the damn partner and clearly how can you love or respect that?

Now I am not in any way going to be your alibi when you take it a notch to far and don’t know how to entangle yourself but I am going to say this, let wisdom lead you into having the most lasting respectful and loving relationship that is out there because you need it and deserve it.

By Bruno Magati

Bruno is a contributor of WeWrite and he also publish through his blog: Memoirs of a biker

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